What to Do if a 7 Years Old Girl Was Touch by Her 11 Year Old Cousin
- Doc G
Parenting a Child Accused of Beingness a Predator
My 7 twelvemonth old son has been touching a fiddling daughter in his class. This plain is not the first fourth dimension. How practise I deal with it and what do I do. How do I go most fixing this before it develops into something I cannot handle. Non that I tin handle this but I need help please.
Anonymous, no land provided
This challenge is incredibly hard! In almost parenting situations nosotros need merely think about what nosotros have to practise to improve our own child'south behavior. In this state of affairs, it is crucial that yous also take steps to protect the kids around your son, until this behavior stops permanently. Some readers may wonder if your son is falsely accused, and we will go to that. You print me with how straightforward you are, clearly you believe this to be truthful.
Let's talk well-nigh the other children first.
Your son may not be unsupervised around any other children, younger OR older than he, or the same age. At schoolhouse, at domicile, at sports practise, in the neighborhood – an adult who knows the situation must be in the aforementioned room with him at all times. In that location are 2 reasons for this. 1 is the well-nigh obvious: he must non accept the opportunity to care for some other child (boy or girl) in whatsoever inappropriate way. The other might not be as clear but is only as important: most kids who act out sexually have been touched past someone else that fashion. He needs protecting!
Which brings up the next crucial step. There is some root to this behavior, or the accusation. Your son needs professional person counseling to find out what is going on. If he is touching someone sexually, is he doing information technology out of curiosity? Is he doing it for approval or connection? Is he trying to experience powerful? Does he sympathize that it is not OK? Is someone else touching him? Is he or has he been molested?
When yous talk to your son nearly this, enquire questions and listen to the answers. Try non to talk much at first. He will understand from your demeanor that this is a problem, merely you need some answers before you work on passing on your values to him. If he denies having done these things you lot need to become to the bottom of the story. Practice non accept anyone's word for this. Talk to the school, to the other child's parents, to the school counselor – exercise everything y'all tin can to go answers. Your son needs your support but likewise needs your guidance.
Your son needs your love. He also needs your values.
At the age of seven, it is helpful to lay down articulate rules.
- No ane may touch you without your permission.
- You lot may non touch other children.
Y'all and your son, and any other adults in his life that you are certain can be trusted, demand to have frequent, calm conversations about trunk privacy, touching, intimacy, feelings, advice. Get good professionals involved! Mind to their advice, and, if it sounds correct to yous, do as they recommend.
Accept heart. Yous are handling this. It is scary and deeply disturbing. Simply many boys play with this kind of power. The parents who ignore information technology, or deny information technology, are the ones who cease upwardly raising predators. Y'all accept taken the very difficult first steps on the road to raising a good man. Please, go along upwardly this hard work. And contact me anytime to talk more about this.
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Source: https://askdoctorg.com/parenting-a-child-accused-of-being-a-predator/
49 thoughts on "Parenting a Child Accused of Being a Predator"
This is very interesting issues and very touchy field of study.Something very similar happened to friend of mine and her 6 year onetime. As far equally I know the effect was resolved simply with one talk and it didn't happen over again, but this is a great information I will forward to her in case information technology becomes an effect over again.
Thanks so much for finding this of value to pass along! I have read your web log as well and actually enjoyed it!
Give thanks you for the resource. Expert information and support for all.
Thank you lot!
What if kid says your child did something and your kid says they didn't?
That's the toughest spot. If your kid has been honest with y'all in the past – almost all the time at least – and yous actually believe this, and then you back upward your kid. But you don't let that kid be alone with the accuser again, and keep talking to your kid near the risks of doing anything like this. Brand information technology articulate to your child that lying to you will brand things much worse, because the truth comes out eventually. Lastly, information technology's totally reasonable to ask a professional to talk with your child when y'all're not in the room and give you their best evaluation of what happened. Often others tin see our kids more clearly than we can.
What kind of a professional? My 10yr old was just accused of touching a 6yr erstwhile. He has never done annihilation like this before. His father and I has told him how wrong it is and he should not e'er practise something like that. But my son was crying and saying that he did not do what the 6yr old said he did. She said he stuck his hand in her panties. But he didn't bear upon her. All he did was put his hand down her panties. Kickoff she said down her pants and then she said down her panties too. Just hes cryn sayn she lying he didn't do that. So I don't know what to do. Hes never done anything like that before.
Whatever Children's Hospital volition have a Trauma Psychologist to help you lot figure out what really happened, and why.
My 3yr old granddaughter said my 14yr old touched her. I am at a loss of how to face this consequence. I'm devestasted and practise not want to do the wrong affair. How practice I confront my 14yr onetime son? I desire to approach this correctly. Please assistance
You may not want to have this chat alone. Tin can you lot bring in another trusted adult who has some experience? A kid psychologist, youth pastor, your 14 yr old's doc?
I have a fourteen year old daughter showing the same signs as the boys in your article. She is adopted, she has been with usa since she was 2 years sometime. I noticed very early behaviour that I never seen in my three other children, two boys and a girl. All grown and not living in the home when she came to live with usa. We are the equivalent of grand parents .Her behavior over the final couple of years has escalated involving other children. She has been in counseling near of her life. We are heart broken non being able to go help. Some of the things she has done is. affecting our human relationship with our thousand children. My son and older daughter volition not let their children come and stay with usa anymore. I totally sympathize, but we are between a stone and a difficult place. Please any help?
Delight Help
Jeanette,
I have such empathy for your struggle. You are doing the very best I can imagine in a nearly impossible state of affairs. I do not know what else yous can offer your granddaughter in the circumstances. Every bit for your relationship with the residue of your family, brand sure to validate their concerns and non pressure level them to do anything they experience is unsafe. And and so, maybe, you can partner with your adult children to ask what they think you tin all do to keep the family whole while keeping this teenager in your dwelling. I wish I had more to offering than all the professionals you've seen so far.
I am going through something similar my 4 year quondam told me that my xiii year former sisster poked him in the behind with a pencil.and touched his private surface area so I asked my Sisster and she said that never happens I took my son to see a therapist to get to the bottom of information technology and she believes my son was somehow touched inappropriately.she said she had to file a report and now I'thousand concerned for my piddling Sisster also . As a child I went through this with my aunts husband so I didn't take this matter lightly and won't brush it off . But I simply can't believe my sisster would do this to my son they have been a part of his life all his life and at the moment I'm hurting for both . Delight propose also I don't know what to expect with the social workers .
I completely sympathise how devastating this is to even consider. Only y'all don't have to imagine or figure out if it happened. You have to get your son to a counselor at a child trauma center who tin help him limited what he's trying to express and requite you lot an objective, professional opinion well-nigh whether or not it's true. So those professionals can help you get him and your sister assistance, or help you figure out why your son made it up and so aid with that. This is also important to try to solve it lonely!
Skilful advice
Thank yous!
My 11 year old son is being accused of touching my 3 twelvemonth old son on his private and when he told him to stop my 11 year erstwhile told him he didn't accept to. My ex married woman called DCF immediately without contacting me at all and now my oldest is not allowed to be around my 3 year onetime I accept to accept them on contrary weekends. When I asked my eleven year one-time if he touched my youngest he told me "No dad I didn't touch his privates that would exist gay" I accept my oldest scheduled to see a advisor simply I'k having such a hard time with this because my iii year quondam loves to fabricate stories that I know for a fact are untrue. I only really want to see my boys back together and after today I feel like it's not going to happen. I was defendant by the judge as not taking this serious and that is concerning to her. This is very serious and lives are beingness ruined here if you accept any advice delight help!
I'grand so sorry – this is such a painful state of affairs. I tin absolutely encounter why your ex-wife jumped to full intervention, and why y'all are concerned that information technology's a story fabricated up by a iii year old who doesn't understand the consequences of his words. I very much hope you lot tin can detect a sexual trauma advisor in your urban center or area to help figure out what happened, and become your family unit reunited if that's possible.
My 13 twelvemonth old grandson was accused of touching her friends 3 year old son. My grandson says it never happened merely 3 year Olds don't just come up out with stuff like that. Where does my daughter become from here. And where does the other parent of the 3 year practise.
Susan,
I'm sorry your family is facing this struggle. It will be difficult to observe out exactly what happened but impossible to exercise then without some professional assist. Your girl and the parents of the other child should contact the family doctor or pediatrician of each child and ask for a referral to the correct specialist in your surface area to talk to each of these children about their experiences. Fifty-fifty more important than getting answers to what happened that day is making sure neither is being serially abused and that both have the counseling they demand to motility frontwards.
Just recently my step girl (historic period eleven) accused my 7 yr one-time son of inappropriately touching her. He was playing effectually, all the kids were, when he reached out and amused her waist, and so laughed and ran off. We were all there and it was in no way a sexual touch, nor was he trying to injure her in any way. My step daughter was touched by her stride blood brother in her female parent's home, has been removed from the home, and is currently in counseling for this. She has been know to tell stories for attention. My worries are that she's going to be telling people that my son inappropriately touched her and it's going to create a huge mess, when infact, information technology was a 7 year old playing around, with all the kids. I think she'southward dislocated about what 'real' inappropriate touching is, and of course her dad is ok with her views of what inappropriate touching is. What should I do to protect my son?
I'm sorry for your struggles, sexual problems are securely emotional and accusations can exist scary for all involved. I'thou so glad your step-girl is in counselling. I'd recommend calling that counselor at present, and involving them in the process. Offer to have that person talk to the folks who were there. Not in order to invalidate your step-daughter'south feelings – you tin laurels how she feels while nevertheless getting her dad and her advisor to talk to her well-nigh definitions and how to utilize her words actually accurately. She needs more skills to explain how being touched on her waist made her feel vulnerable or exploited while recognizing that her step-brother didn't know that and tin acquire not to practice it again. She may even be able to feel adept about advocating for herself and becoming an educator, without needing to charge.
My eleven year old daughter was accused of touching my best friends girl who was 6 at the fourth dimension. My friend had recently moved and there were boxes in her daughters room. My girl and her daughter were upwardly stairs in her daughters room, they were going through the boxes and found my all-time friends dildo. Her girl pulled it out touching and playing with the dildo and my 11 year old came downstairs and told me what was going on. I told my best friend and she went to remove information technology out of her childs room. My daughter went back up stairs to play. When my girl went back upstairs they played until we left. my best friend and I went our seperate ways for other reasons. She texted me about a year later on to tell me that my daughter asked to put the dildo in her child. She told me that my childs Dna was all over the dildo and she could press chargers on my child. And so she told me that the dildo did not get within her girl merely it went within my daughter.
Nigh a year ago my daughter was molested past my ex finacee and my best friend was aware of it. I dont know what to believe. I need some advice. I am wanting to test the dildo for my childs Dna but have no thought how to go about doing this.
I'm very deplorable you're going through this. You know your (previous) friend well – you may have some idea of whether she is trustworthy. I can tell you that a Dna test would likely have been done (assuming information technology ever was) by law enforcement, that your girl'southward Deoxyribonucleic acid is unlikely to be on file anywhere, and that the results (if they had been obtained by law enforcement) would have been followed upward on with y'all but not shared with your friend. So this all seems pretty unlikely. What IS probable is that something around the area of sexuality happened, and you should have gentle but meaningful conversations with your daughter. If you accept whatsoever concerns, delight talk to her dr. about them, or seek help at your local Children'southward Hospital in their center for abuse.
Long story brusk, my sister thinks my half dozen year old son needs counseling for demonstrating "sexual" behavior when he is at her house. Evidently it occurs every time she allows him and her 5 yr onetime son to change into there swim trunks on the back deck and in forepart of her two year old girl. He thinks it's funny to grab his penis and dance around. She says she has to repeatedly ask him to stop(not in the same day, every time they change), if he needs to explore himself he needs to do information technology in individual, and I accept besides had talks with him. I suggested to her and also told him when information technology is fourth dimension to modify go to the bathroom, he is to old to be changing on the deck. She besides has a 2 twelvemonth old girl who is now into irresolute her dolls diapers. All three of them were playing and my sister over heard my son say "check my but, Sara" my sister saw Sara run from her blood brother over to my son and started to lift up his shirt as he was lifting his butt upward in the air, every bit y'all would to get your diaper changed. Both boys said she checked her brothers butt first, which my sister did not see. My sisters words were "and he thrust his pelvis up in the air so I swooped downward and grabbed Sara and told her she does non ever cheque anyone's butt." Redirected my son to go play somewhere else abroad from Sara. He loves Sara, helps her, looks out for her, and so this hurt him, when he doesn't even understand why. He has no idea what else his penis is for also peeing and it feels cool when he touches it and look It Gets Big, it'south amazing. I picked him upward soon after, she loudly told the whole story right in her driveway in forepart of the children, making my son feel like he really did something incorrect, looking at him every bit if he were a predator and then says "IDK, if he does something like that again, idk I may physically harm him, he has not been back since. She was in fact touched in her chest by an adult family unit member when she was effectually 10, and never told anyone until just terminal year, I feel she is taking her emotions out on my son, he does non practice these things at home or effectually his 4 twelvemonth old niece.
I'm very pitiful for the trauma your sister experienced. I hear that information technology made your son uncomfortable, and that it might be hard to make sure that you are there when he is there. Her reaction is understandable, given what she went through, even if it's out of proportion to what happened. You didn't actually ask a question so I'm trying not to assume you have one. 🙂 Nonetheless, you might try expressing to her empathy for what she believed was happening to her daughter and admire her decision to protect her daughter, then enquire her aid in raising your son (her nephew) to grow into a man who protects his family too and understands both love and support besides as boundaries. Hope that is helpful!
My xiv yo daughter is accused of touching a x yo boy genitals, reaching in his pants to do information technology. His mother says that someone saw and that when she started talking to him he said that she put her rima oris on his penis. I didn't know what to practice, my whole world was a state of confusion/shock for hours. I asked her about the allegations and she said she did bear on him simply that was it. I asked her if anyone had done anything to her and she said no. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to even approach getting counseling. I don't know if i should call CPS, not because i want her in trouble only because they volition characterization me as not doing abiding by law when i have other children in the home. Please tell me the start thing i should do. How do i become assist ? i don't want her in trouble, but i want to go her aid and non leave anyone vulnerable, i dont want anyone to say i should have done something and i didn't think about information technology because information technology's difficult for me to recollect. I was just told a few hours ago
I completely understand your overwhelm. Information technology is most important to get your daughter the assistance she needs at present, while she is notwithstanding a kid. There are more than services available and less penalty for this action than a further action she might take. Give her a lot of empathy for her own fearfulness or shame. Ask good questions about what she herself has been through. And call the Children'southward Hospital nearest you and inquire for the Child Advocacy center or department. You and she need help and support then that healing can starting time and she and anyone around her tin be safe.
Hi my half dozen year quondam son (1st grade) was expelled from his School aftercare plan for grabbing another child's (male child same age) privates. I was told they were sitting next to each other and he was told to stop but he grabbed again later being told to stop. No more than particular was provided past them and this was the first instance. Does their immediate expulsion seem advisable? Should I be doing more than having conversations with my son that what he did was inappropriate? Just trying to approximate the situation
Yeah, he needs to talk to a psychologist or his family doctor or pediatrician.
Hello,
My 9yr old son woke me tonight in hysterics. He told me he was having bad thoughts about a 3yr old girl we know. He said he feels like he may take touched her genitals and so he tells me simply he thinks its only his thoughts. He suffers from adha and I believe he may have a little bit of autism.
I have defenseless him and some of his mates the aforementioned age before playing with each others penis.
I talked to him softly and calmly and told him his non in trouble but I need to know if what he is thinking is what he wants to do or has done. He told me whilst crying hysterically dadie I think I touched her on the vagina. I asked if he did defanatly do it or merely thought about it. He concluded up telling me he did and feels extremely bad and regrets it.
I experience blessed he come up to me with this. Only I experience scared out of my encephalon that he has touched the 3yr old girl.
He is showing extream signs of remorse and regret my centre is breaking for the fiddling guy.
Simply some advice would be skillful. Thanks.
It'south wonderful that he has the relationship with y'all to tell yous the truth. He needs to speak to a psychologist to help him understand why he wants to exercise this, and how to non actually do this. It'due south possible someone in his life has touched him also, and he needs protection and support in that. Besides, this daughter's parents must be told.
My 9 year sometime Nephew was accused and admitted to exposing his private to my 4 year old niece and asking her to affect it . He has never washed anything like this before and we are all shocked and saddened. He is going through some things correct now with parental custody and isn't seeing his mom at the moment , I'g thinking something may have happened to him that he isn't sharing. I know he needs some sort of counseling. This is starting to tear my family unit apart with the ii fathers highly upset. Whatsoever advice? Thanks
Whatsoever the cause, he needs help to procedure what happened to him, and also needs strategies and back up from professionals so that he doesn't put other children at take a chance. The right answer is to get him help and not surrender. Both dads are correct to exist upset, simply also need to step upwardly for your nephew to brand sure he gets compassionate help, potent supervision and skillful boundaries.
My son is 8, and I take caught him several times touching on his little brother and also attempting to become his piddling brother to perform acts on him, such as trying to go his brother to impact on his "private area". My son has told me that he was touched by a kid on the bus 2 years ago. I have placed him in a mental wellness infirmary to attempt to go him the one-on-one help he needs. Unfortunatley, the hospital was not meeting his needs and did not communicate with me (his female parent) on his devolpement and those kinds of things. So we brought him dwelling and he seen a therapist the same solar day he came dwelling. (October 27th, 2020) He has since been back at daycare and school and in therapy and I enrolled myself in parenting classes to ameliorate help the situation and NOTHING SEEMS TO HELP. I take also put a camara in the bedroom his brother and him share, and information technology does non end him. Today he threatened to "go back to being the kid he was before he left for the mental hospital". Which scared me, for many reasons. 1 because he threatened to hurt his blood brother again when he knows it is wrong, and 2 because his reasons for the threat, was because he wasn't getting his way from me and I am but lost. How do I love him and protect his siblings and HIMSELF at the aforementioned fourth dimension? What accept I washed incorrect and what can I do to help him? PLEASE Help!!!!
I'm so distressing yous're dealing with this, and he's obviously in a lot of pain. I don't know that you did anything to crusade this, and blaming yourself (though totally a normal feeling) won't help yous or him or the situation. Remember that the infirmary can aid, and isn't necessarily going to exist a bad choice this time, even though the communication was bad last fourth dimension. You'll be a stronger abet this fourth dimension because you lot know what to expect and what questions to ask. This sounds too big for him or you to handle lone. Delight do get help for both of you lot.
Long story brusk, I was just informed past a close family friend that her girl confessed that her and my daughter (both eight years old) take on multiple occasions kissed and unbuttoned each others shirts, and I'yard bold other touching acts with each other. Manifestly this has happened more than than once and I am dislocated and concerned and upset but neither of us know which child initiated the acts just they both have been engaging and knowing information technology was wrong. I don't even know where to begin with approaching my daughter.
Crystal,
I hear that this is upseting to yous. This may well not be predatory beliefs, but rather mutual exploration. It's a normal discovery for kids this historic period that touching bodies feels skilful, merely it's not OK to do with other people. I'd endeavour hard to take shame and anger and embarassment out of the conversation and just let her know that touching herself is fine and healthy, but touching anyone else is for much later in her life. Does that brand sense?
i have been accused of touching my god brother he was four or 5 at the fourth dimension and I was 12 (i am a girl). I was and non a inappropriate person. I would never do anything similar that. At the time his parents were going through a divorce and him and his sister were not the best behaved kids they would not listen and they would prevarication a lot. His mom then called CPS on me and my family I was questioned but the case was closed because it was a she say he say affair. I accept non seen them in 3 years i just needed to tell someone that. I just want to know if they tin can press bodily charges on me or reopen the "example" if he sticks with the same lie when i'm a developed. (i'yard about to turn 15)
Lola,
I'm not a lawyer so I don't have the respond to your question, I'm deplorable.
Hello at that place,
I demand some advice. My 3yr old niece has expressed that during a family gather, my other niece who is 9 – tickled her individual parts quite graphically. We have spoken to her, and she has denied it. Where practise we become from here?
This is a tough situation, but clearly someone has introduced this thought to your three year sometime. Talk to your neice's doctor about a counselor who can work with her to help sympathise more than what she has experienced and with whom.
My 7yr quondam slaps my daughters barrel and when i inquire Him about it he cries and denies information technology. Nosotros also caught him in the dining room with my 3yr old niece on his lap should i be Worried??
These are concerning behaviors. He obviously feels shame just it's not clear what his motivations are or if he understands WHY the behaviors aren't ok. He needs back up, chat, and boundaries – an adult needs to be in the room with him and these other children.
Our friend's son, who is at present an developed, is being defendant of touching his younger pace sis when he was a young teen. His female parent is beside herself and looking for advice simply she is struggling with finding resources and information to be better prepared to address the topic with her son. I've tried to help research the topic, just am also having a difficult time finding guidance on this topic. She's scared that when her step daughter goes to therapy, they will arrest her son instead of recommending help since he is now an adult. (The daughter is saying information technology stopped when he was around xiv).
It sounds similar that family needs to talk to a counselor and a lawyer. He may have broken the police force.
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